Three and Thirty

Today marks the official 3 week mark, and I am down 30.1 lbs! I am excited! Although, I am not obsessed with the scale reading back a certain number, and have no false dreams of being 125lb, the scale does give me a point of progress.  My reservations about losing so much in so little time, are that it's all water weight, or that as soon as I begin working out, and gain muscle, I will be discouraged if the number doesn't continue to decrease. 

I am actually striving towards a goal weight, but again, only because it is a measurable goal. The weight the doctor gave me, is definitely at the heaviest end of my weight bracket for my height.  In reality, I am really going towards being a certain size. I would love to be somewhere around a size 8 to 10. Why a size 8 to 10 and not a size 4? Well, because I just don't think I'm designed to be that small. I was always a bigger child and toddler from what I can see in photos, and I don't need to be "skinny", I only need to be thin and healthy.  I much rather have a fit, athletic build than a waif-like body. 

Actually, at my lowest weight, I was wearing a size 14 to 12, but not a solid, comfortable 12. I could fit in tops that were a Large, but again not solidly, it depending on the designer. Based off my previous low weight, and where the doctor thinks my weight should be, I think a size 8 or 10 is exactly what I will end up wearing. 

For now, I continue to search my body for signs of being 30 lbs lighter, and I just can't really find it.  No part of me seems thinner, except maybe my face. That is not encouraging. Again I ask, what number on the scale will I be able to see a difference in the mirror? In 20 more pounds? Or will it be 50? And how the hell long will that take?

Ah yes, this brings me to one of the most challenging parts of weight-loss....patience. These past three weeks have taken forever! When I think about the first few days of the diet, it seems like months ago. I've been doing so well, going so strong for 3 weeks, why am I not strutting around in a bikini yet? This is always my mentality.  Granted, I know part of me is somewhat joking, but the other part is like "NO for real, why can't I see major results?!?" Yet I didn't gain it all in three weeks or three months for that matter, and have to continually remind myself and keep that in perspective.  In fact, from my lowest weight, it took me probably 10 months to gain it all back.  It was gradual just like weight-loss.  On the flip side, gaining weight is not nearly as challenging as losing it, actually, gaining is quite easy, and everyone can attest to this little devilish fact. 

Although I am struggling to see a blatant size difference reflected back at me, I am seeing other physical signs of success.  For months and months, I was struggling with severe acid reflux, at night in particular, although, it would flair up in the day if I ate the wrong things. I was taking at least two Pepcid AC pills before I went to sleep.  Also, my snoring had become alarming... like possibly needing a C-Pap alarming.  I had fallen asleep on the sofa one lazy afternoon, and Zach had recorded my snoring, thinking it was amusing.  He played it back for me, and I found it anything but funny. I was scared. It sounded terrible, like I couldn't breathe. I am very pleased to say, in just these few weeks, I no longer need Pepcid, and my snoring has already decreased immensely according to Zach. I guess losing in my face and particularly, under my chin has been much more important than I realized, and shouldn't write it off as nothing!

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