This week has been different seeing as the girls are on holiday from school. Naturally, as any parent or aupair would, I was dreading the thought of having them around ALL day. Mainly because, it's hard enough to know what to do with kids for two hours much less 10, especially with the Fina, the oldest. See, Zdenni, the youngest, is perfectly content with playing by herself, speaking in Czech to herself and most likely imaginary, Czech friends, one I suspect being named Christine. She is actually rather entertaining to watch because she is so dramatic and animated. Her facial expressions are hilarious, and I appreciate her clumsy, messy ways. Not a day goes by where she hasn't dropped something down her shirt, or have green marker stain on her fingertips. Fina on the other hand isn't content playing alone, because her joy and fun is derivived from ordering people about and controling every aspect of everything, which is impossible to do solo. Being bossy is her favorite game. She is very anal-retentive and meticulous. Perhaps one day she will make a great math teacher, or I am sure she has great potential in a military career.
At some time or another, they have both driven me crazy, and will continue to do so. The ironic thing is I see myself in both of them, more of the young me, but me all the same. I can fully relate to Zdenni's clutzy ways and dramatic, silly antics. To my dismay, I remember a younger me being quite controlling and wanting things my way. I guess that's why Fina gets to me more, because I see something in her that reminds me of myself... a part I don't particularly like, and one I think I have grown out of. I still consider myself independent and prefer to do things myself and in the way I desire, but with experience comes social flexibility, and through the years, I think I am not bossy but at times if needed, I can be a leader.
There are so many things in this world that you can't control, and it's good to know when you have to just accept things and go-with-the-flow. Traveling is a perfect example. Apart from choosing a hotel, airline, and destination, most other things are left to chance. No matter how many times you call the hotel, there is still a chance someone will screw-up your reservations. There seems to be no guarentee that your bags will arrive at their intended location or that your flight will be on-time. Finally, despite many precautions and clever anti-theft pouches, there is a chance your passport will go missing. Point being that, in time, I can only hope for Fina's sake, that she will learn she in fact does not rule the world.
Clearly, this behaviour can't be blamed entirely on the girls for someone (sometwo actually) has allowed them to become this. Fina called her mother a "pig" the other night and the father kind of laughed and translated it for me, but no punishment. I could see in Zdenka's eyes the anger and hurt this caused, yet I was mystified why her nor Josef did anything to Fina for this. If I had said that to my mother... it would have BAD! A general respect is missing from these girls. I am trying to instill courtesy, manners, and respect in these kids, for me. I can't control how they act to their parents, but I damn-well will have some respect. You can't casually or cowardly request respect, you have to DEMAND it, with the stank eye, a firm voice, an intimidately rigid finger pointed in their direction. I want these girls to take one look into my eyes and it strike fear and respect into them. I have no desire to control these girls every move, but when I do need control, I want it to be given.
I must say this job is the best birth control ever. I am getting a first-hand look at just how hard, self-sacraficing, time-consuming, and frustrating parenting is! It really is a HUGE responsibility. I was thinking earlier this week that I don't ever see myself having children because I am too selfish. As in, I like time to myself, I enjoy spending my money on things I want, and mainly, I like my freedom! I can see how becoming a parent needs to be properly orchestrated, otherwise, you resent the kid for making you give up a life you weren't ready. In return, you resent yourself for resenting the kid, and then, you especially resent the fool who donated his seed and helped put you in this situation. Then, the child grows up to resent you, and accidently becomes a teenage mother and it becomes a relentless, rancorous cycle of resentment bequeathed to each new generation. (So, no babies in my immediate future--- that being next 5 years min.)
In other news, to continue sharing about this week, as I said, both girls are ill. First, it was Zdenni who started feeling bad Monday at the Zoo. By Tuesday, she was full-out sick with a fever and awful cough. So, Tuesday it was just Fina and I all day playing, and it was a good day. I've notice she might not take directions well, but if you say "I am going to ______" she won't say much. If I were to say "You must _____" that's another story. However, Wednesday they both were sick, fevers etc. and spent all day in bed watching MiniMax (a Czech equivalent to Cartoon Network) and sleeping. Zdenka gave me some money (5000 CZK which I still need to figure out if it's my pay from last week or just some spending cash??) and suggested I walk around, because she knows I enjoy that. So, I walked to the other side of the village (maybe 2 miles or more each way?) and looked around, snapping some photos, but doing nothing in particular except buying a few more postcards. I came across a 'Plus', which is a grocery store, and decided I would cook dinner for the family. I felt it would be thoughtful considering poor Zdenka had been couped up with the kids all day.
Today, the girls were still ill and stayed in bed all day, and I suspect Zdenka will come down with whatever ailment the girls have plagued the house with! So, today I walked back to the other side of the village, which is very exhausting for someone who is out of shape, and sent 14 postcards. I am not sure what tomorrow holds, if one or any of the Grill gals will be feeling better, but I know I am trying to avoid catching this malady!
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