When Will I be balanced?

Today, the second of the 500 calorie days, was actually better than Day 1.  I am somewhat hopeful, and very relieved that I didn't feel as terrible! Only mild, intermittent headaches, but less fatigue and less hunger. Don't get me wrong, I am still extremely hungry and have a general sense of malaise, but it is less.  I was told the first 3 days of the diet are the worst. One more to go then!



I find myself craving rather random things: Pinto beans, black beans, sweet potatoes, cheese, CHEESE, pickles, Tikka Masala.  I can't let myself dwell on any of this food too long, because I want to cheat so badly, I can't stand it.  Mainly, just to feel satisfied and not so hungry.  It's amazing to me that I can eat so much cabbage and so little chicken, and almost within 20 minutes feel my stomach aching again.


I can't help but think of all the starving children and people in the world. I can't imagine. It's all-consuming! I wonder how people fast for days and days on end.  Am I this weak? Or perhaps, it really is just this difficult!



Today, I had to take a co-worker to pick up his car, and for a brief moment I got excited at the idea of what fast-food I would pick up.  You see, the floor boards of my car, at times, have resembled a fast-food graveyard with an assortment of bags and wrappers as headstones... from all the worst places, Taco Bell, McDonalds, Burger King, Panera and sometimes the not-as-bad, Chik-Fil-A, Subway, Jimmy Johns... etc. But then, I realized I couldn't relish in my little midday food excursions and I couldn't take solace in a warm, fattening binge.



That's the thing, it's so much more than challenging your body, it's challenging your mind.  Reshaping your thoughts, redirecting your desires, and even as pathetic as it sounds, mourning the loss of your old lifestyle.  Accepting that the previous lifestyle you led, can not be repeated.  I think this is the hardest part for me, realizing this isn't a temporary change, but a permanent one.  Although, I plan to on occasion to eat foods that are "naughty", but not in the portions or manner as before.  It's truly about balance.  When I was running around 22-25 miles a week, I could eat more or less what I wanted and maintain. Again, there has to be a balance. 



I am very eager to get off work and go to sleep!! I had a challenging time trying to sleep last night. Day 3, here I come!